Transformers 1986 Movie

So literally the night before my psychology final I decided to procrastinate and watch the old old Transformers movie after it was featured by my fellow Nerd Rager AngryVideoGameNerd.

So I personally wanted to critique it as well.

The  movie starts out with the giant Planet transformer Unicron (I kept calling it Unicorn first time I watched this...) devouring another robot planet. Then transitioning into whats going on at the moment at Cybertron, the Autobot/Decepticon planet. Basically the Decepticons launch an offensive against the Autobots leading all the way to Earth, and then they realize they have a situation. With the help of Optimus Prime, the danger was averted. However Optimus does die passing on the Matrix to UltraMagnus, the second biggest Autobot there. Then the story progresses into Megatrons return from the dead supposedly, into Galvatron. Hot Rod's transition from a young brash fighter into a true leader, and the Autobots struggles to survive in unknown space. Overall the movie was good, the animation was amazing for the time, and is still good now. The music was also really good I suppose, a little cheesy now, but great back then. However there are a few things I can never stand about it.

Firstly, this applies to Transformers in general not just this film, why the fuck do the Autobots turn into shitty japanese cars and minivans and other useless things, and why do the Decepticons turn into fucking jets and tanks and other bullshit that are way more useful in battle. I mean FFS one of the Autobots turns into a fucking TELESCOPE. BIG deal he can see the Decepticons flying towards them like 5 seconds before they start shooting at you.

"Ultramagnus! A cursory evaluation of Decepticon capabilities indicates a distinct tactical deficiency" Fuck you Perceptor, no one cares.

Seriously Perceptor you are a piece of shit, and IMO one of the most worthless Autobots I've ever seen.

Also equally as bad is the number of characters that died. They killed off so many different Autobots, and not just generic ones... Main characters! They killed off Ironhide, Brawn, Prowl, Thrasher, and Ratchet. Not to mention you see corpses of Windcharger and Wheeljack. Well looking back it was a bold move (and apparently to launch a new series of toys... not cool), but as a child it really traumatized me.

Next was that pussy Ultra Magnus... he doesn't do shit, he is a piece of shit, he sucks balls in the movie, all he does is get blown up and loses the Matrix and swears in front of an audience mainly with 6-12 year old children...

"But Prime, I'm not worthy... I'm just a dumbass"

 And of course there's the death of Starscream... I never liked him, but seeing him die permanently kinda made me sad... I kinda missed his really annoying voice.








 Anyways so overall I really liked the film... it was just some minor problems that kept it from being a total hit. I like the idea of the writers trying something different, but it was too much too fast. And having a huge overhaul and killing off lots of characters just to advertise new toys is not cool.

Whatever happened?

Growing up in the 90's I watched a lot of shows back then because I was a big nerd.

All the new things that come out with nowadays don't really appeal to me. Back then Anime's were about story telling, adventures and well basically the content was what mattered.

Modern ones, some are good, but I have serious issues with the styles and the content. I prefer the more realistic looking ones, smaller eyes, larger noses, proportionate body, I mean imagination can only take you so far right? And the content well... shows back then were basically more focused on story/adventures/drama that kinda thing. Shows nowadays do follow the same formula but are really stupid/shallow in their content. I mean even with the greatest plot, if the show is just for breasts bouncing everywhere, and panty shots, it really takes away from it. Seriously just look at real girls you perverts...

But that's just me, maybe I'm old fashioned, and of course I'm not saying all of them are like that... I'm just saying nowadays there is a lot more of it. And even some of the new ones, they are really good too.

Ghost in the Shell, Masamune Shirow

This I can deal with. Realistic figures, well defined features. The story is confusing, but it's deep, and there's plenty of action (well not really).

I know its not aimed for my demographic... But I seriously see a trend here. Any male over the age of 15 that enjoys this should think about what they are watching... COUGH*




 So those are just some examples of the bullshit that comes out nowadays compared to the quality of the product more than a decade ago. Again don't get me wrong, it's not that the entire industry that is tanking. In fact it's doing well, it's just the material they create is well questionable. Back in the day shows had real substance, like Rurouni Kenshin, Ranma 1/2, One Piece, Slam Dunk, among a few. Nowadays the shows that come out are absolute bullshit. They aren't shows for anyone to watch, they are shows designed for perverts who want to see underage cartoon girls with big purple eyes in their blue striped panties. And of course thats only a small part of the industry, but lately, their attempts at making real quality shows have tanked like no tomorrow. For example, .Hack SIGN is a piece of shit... It was a good idea, but it was totally fucked up to be really boring.  And Eureka 7... it's about this little 14 year old asshole who falls for an ugly chick and they go on a space adventure while he masturbates himself in his piece of shit gundam knockoff. Speaking of Gundams... Gundam SEED, a show about over emotional teenagers that cry for 10 episodes after killing one other robot, and don't get me started on Gundam SEED destiny, its like a piece of shit, then continuing with the shit, and it turns to diarrhea.

Seriously if you can go back to making quality shows (some very few have heard of) like DBZ, BTX, Ranma 1/2, Luna Varga, Slam Dunk, even Doraemon (was good in its time, and still a classic) I would still be watching lots. I have been seeing a few, based on recommendations from friends, but overall I think the industry has become really mediocre. There are occasionally cool ones here and there. Witch Hunter Robin was the first one I saw on late night TV on Friday, it was short but it was good. Death Note definately lived up to it's hype. All of Masamune Shirow's works were good, I suppose it's a little contradictory to what I said before, because if you've seen his earlier works, it's basically naked robot women connected to huge cables and wires and they are basically naked in awkward stances with a small metal patch covering their nipples. So it's a little pervy, but it's still better than little girls and striped panties. He's toned it down lots for his new shows though.

Anyways the whole point of this is to highlight a concern of mine. Maybe some people like the changes, in fact a lot of them do. But I really do miss the golden age of quality work, then again maybe I'm too old for this now?

GundamSEED RAGE

So this random rant came up as a result of some haters hating on Gundam Wing, and how they think Gundam Seed is so much better, and nicer looking.

These guys are obviously a bunch of douche's. Lets break it down for you.

Gundam SEED is not the crazy world war space robot battling drama it looks like. Its a soap opera for 15 year old girls and girly Asian guys. I admit I thought it was pretty cool back in the day, but some things still bothered me. Number 1, I'd expect big butch guys to be the soldiers and pilot the robots. But no, both sides on this so called Space robot war drama series uses women, and pretty boys (for example, every fucking character on the show) to pilot the robots.

The story is about two sides, one that lives in space in some stupid ass satellites called the plants, and the regular Earth people. Some kid on a NEUTRAL COLONY comes across a heist, of the dudes from space going to jack some crazy ass GUNDAMS (giant war robots) PEW PEW. And some badboy 15 year old emo teenager decides to intervene and save the day. Then the rest of the show revolves around him and his friends being conscripted and fucking around with the ZAFT (the supposed bad guys) til they reach good old blue earth. On the way, he confronts his good friend whom is also a soldier on the other side. After discovering who they were, it became personal, and the crazy robot fights end. The next arc of the series is just the two skinny emotional teenagers yelling each others name for about 15 minutes. Then when he inadvertantly (pfffft) kills his friends (who are also soldiers btw). The blue haired douchebag (Athrun) cries for about 10 episodes about it. One of the turning points of the series is when he (Kira) cuts another one his buddies, Nicol in half with his giant beam sword, then for about 20 minutes of that episode, his dying words are something like, "I want my piano". Then the next bit is just a huge montage of him getting cut in half first, and then him crying about he doesnt want to fight, and how he loves peace, and how he wants to go home and masturbate to pictures of his fucking stupid piano. Sounds awesome already. It gets better, there is a little romance side plot, where the hot girl (who is absolutely useless otherwise) sexes with Kira so she can use him to kill all the badguys, funny? No? I tried. And another one when Athrun leaves his fiance to anal rape Kira. Well at least thats what it looked like to me. But it gets better, another character falls in love with the main guy Kira, until her "father" reveals that Kira is her twin brother... PROBLEM?

Anyways there are also two other ugly douches who are gay for each other. Yzak and Dearka (Bowl Cut and the dark guy), these two are absolutely homo for each other, more so than Kira X Athrun. On one of the later episodes, Yzak saves Dearka from being destroyed and (again) spend about 10 minutes screaming each others name. Probably one of the better bromances ever. Then the finale is Dearka ditching his busted gundam, then Yzak opening his cockpit (raugh) so they can spoon inside while they drift in space.

I expected something cool, a war time robot show. A little bit of drama is good here and there but seriously, this show has a huge dose of hormones in it that would make me bleed out of my penis.

Anyways the series ends with an epic battle most of the good guys live etc etc both sides sign a ceasefire everyones happy tralala THE END and all the characters below are either dead or crying at the end.

Kira, giant douchebag, the series is basically him crying all the time.

Athrun, just as big of douche, thinks hes a badass cuz he drives a gundam, cries just as much as Kira, cuz Kira doesn't love him back

Cagalli, Kira's main squeeze til she finds out he's her twin brother.

Flay, a massive hoe. Ruvs Kira rong time

Lacus, got ditched by Athrun. Kira's rebound after Flay stops her booty calls, and finding out Cagalli (whom Kira had the hots for) is actually his sister

Dearka and Yzak, Mario and Luigi, Dark boy and Bowl cut, I'm pretty sure Dearka always receives.

Rusty, dies in the first 10 minutes of the show. No one cares    

Nicol, dies cuz hes n00b at Gundam. Dying words are "MY PIANO"

Goodluck and Godbless

Teddy

RPGs

3 of the best franchises in RPG video game history? Here it goes

1. Zelda (1986-present)- Miyamoto's finest work, named after wife of a famous poet.

Pros
-Great visuals as always
-Nintendo never fails to deliver quality gameplay/controls, no exception here.
-Koji Kondo delivers the best soundtrack in the industry (QQ FF fan boys)
-Content is always good, has a real charm to its story line, almost like Disney.
-Tons of sidequests that are actually fun, with the occasional annoying ones, but w/e.
-Fighting never gets old in this game. Puzzles are really fun, and novel in a sense, when you figure them out, you just want to say "OH thats clever"
-The extra stuff is good. All the side characters are memorable, and you grow more and more attached to them as you play. The occasional comic relief is good too.
Cons
 - This whole "implied romance". Its kinda obvious Zelda +Link is going to happen, why not just be open about it. I'd be pissed if I had to run around a world, and time travel and fight dragons and giant octopi just to be friends with a princess that I see for like 10 minutes of the entire game.
- The ending for the games really bothered me sometimes. i.e Windwaker, I mean it was a good game overall, one of my fave's in fact. But I was really upset about the King of Red Lions dying.
- Water Temple, Ocarina of Time. Took me 3 years to figure it out the first time I played, not even kidding here.
-Some people say the cartoonish take that Nintendo started is not cool. I actually like it, I dont think of it as aiming for younger audiences, I mean the games are equally as dark in their themes, I just think of it as a stylistic choice.

 2. Pokemon series (1996-present) The forefather, and the ultimate Monster RPG
Pros
- The most well known franchise to hit the world. From hand held fame, to spin off games, it's own anime, and who knows how much merchandise its created, obviously very catchy and popular.
- Battling, when it all comes down to it, we get it for the game play. The games evolved, we went from just nuking the stuffing out of eachother to starting to use statuses, stat/acc modifiers, and type advantages to level the playing field. Strategy is always a plus when you play a game.
- Diversity of different members of your party is enormous, its like having over 600 different classes to choose from. Even more attacks to choose from too. The combination are up to you.
- You VS the World? Slot machines? Genetic Engineering? Taking down criminals and eco-terrorists? You like? Pokemon has it all.
Cons
-I'll admit the new generations of critters take time to get used to. But it works out.
-Some are just OP and overused, the diversity is sometimes wasted for the sake of competition.
-EV's are a bitch to train. Complicated game mechanics can ruin the experience for the inexperienced.
-Plot is usually recycled and predictable. But the idea of basing the new world on New York and Brooklyn was a real nice surprise.

3. Tales of Symphonia (2003) A game I tried out in High School. I loved it.

Pros
- Real time combat and fighting, combined with different stat growths and equipment settings. Allowing all the colourful characters to adopt a specific niche, and seeing it play out in real time? Genius.
- Content is good. All the NPC's you will remember, there is even a side quest for you to make figurines of all of them.
- On the topic, lots of side quests, lots and lots. Benefits the overall game however.
- Nice story, plenty of twists and OMG GASP* moments.
-Characters are again very memorable. You become more and more attached to each personality, or you sometimes just love to hate them.
- Personally, the art style was a little bit too girly, well same can be said about Pokemon, but it fit very well.
- Huge map, huge game, first playthrough took me about 60-70 hours. A good years worth back then cuz I only get my Gamecube on Saturdays.
- Typical anime style comic relief, peeking at girls in baths, cross dressing etc etc. Good times.
-You get an achievement for hitting on every single girl in the world. How awesome is that?
- Tons of attacks, spells, skills, and weapons. Combinations of your abilities? Absolutely genius.
- Music is awesome, graphics are awesome. Controls are easy to learn, lots of different systems to memorize, but overall they enhance the gameplay.
Cons
- Overly stereotypical anime themes. `Save the world derp discrimination derp feelings etc etc`. Its good and all, but only in small doses.
- Some bosses are absolute douches. And some of my favorite side characters end up dying as soon as you get to know them a little. Not cool man, not cool.
-Collecting figurines of every NPC, cooking recipes, getting 4 different costumes for all characters, all the weapons. Typical RPG mistake. Too much emphasis on collections and bestiaries. I mean replay value is great but comon.
- It has multiple endings and a relationship system, but its very poorly planned and overall just limited.
- Dungeons were pathetic, being a Zelda fan, I dont like getting frustrated, but I like the good puzzle solving once in a while.
- Weak romance plot. Again with the implied relationships
- The sequel was mediocre, but thats to be expected after a game like this.